Why selling freelance writing is easier than selling aluminum siding

Okay, so I got an email today from a law firm in California (they are one of @ColdCallWriter's Twitter followers). They sell mediation services to companies.

They asked if I would like to be a freelance cold caller for them.

I thought it was a joke. Then the guy actually called today from California to repeat the offer.

Now what can one glean from this?

First, I think it shows how hard it is to convince most people to pick up the phone and sell something. If they're willing to give me, a complete stranger, a chance just because I write a blog ... psh. There you go.

Anyway, I politely declined their offer.

Why? As I explained to the mediation guy in an email, anyone, and I mean ANYONE, can sell freelance writing (or related freelance services).

Because if you find the right client, your stuff sells itself.

When I've got an interested prospect on the phone, I don't have to tell him or her my unique selling proposition or list features and benefits.

Honestly, until they see what I've written, they don't give a rat's.

My job is to answer their initial questions (usually few) and direct them to my online portfolio and resume.

Simple. A middle school kid could do it.

Now if I were selling mediation services (or aluminum siding or life insurance) through cold calls, it would be a different story.

That would require actual sales skills.

That would require a polished presentation.

That would require extreme motivation that withstands hang-ups, take-me-off-your-lists and stop-wasting-my-times.

I have so much admiration for people who have all of the above. But believe me, @ColdCallWriter is not one of them. The one time in 460 calls I had a guy get mad at me and tell me never to call again, I put down the phone and cried.

But I can sell freelance services. Because cold calling freelance services is a completely different (and gentler) process than what we usually think of when we think of phone sales.

BLOOPERS: I cold called so much, my phone died.

Well, that's what I tell people. Actually, I have no idea what happened. One minute I'm taking my visiting friend on a bike tour of Fort Collins breweries and the next I'm having a massive panic attack because my phone's screen has gone blank.

It's not exactly dead. It still vibrates and chirps and plays Ozzy Ozborne's "Crazy Train" when someone calls. But the screen is shot.

I have two conflicting feelings.

The first is terror. I have 460 phone calls out! What if one calls back before I can get my phone situation sorted out? I've put so much work into this cold calling thing, it just breaks my heart to think of even one little prospect slipping through my fingers.

(Rationally, there's very little chance this will happen at beer o'clock on a Saturday, but still.)

The other emotion is jubilation. Now I have the perfect excuse not to cold call. Perhaps my phone situation will be tied up for a whole week and I can have a break from reading the same script ad nauseum.

Alas, neither scenario comes to pass.

By Tuesday (when my dear friend departs and I resume business as usual), Virgin Mobile has overnighted me a spankin' new phone, so I am back on the cold calling war path.

I did miss one call from a new prospect. Fortunately she emailed me, so I was able to get back to her the same day.

What would I have done without a phone? I like to think I'd have forged on using Skype or similar. But truthfully, even though it doesn't scare me anymore, I haven't grown to adore cold calling. So I probably would have kicked back, taken the week off ...

... and had a really agonizing time getting back on the horse next Monday.

BLOOPERS: The other Sarah

Today I called a graphic design firm. But the creative director insisted I'd contacted him already.

"Oh yes," he said. "We've had a nice back and forth about your services.  Don't you remember?"

Derp?

Although I didn't, this seemed all too plausible at first. After all, I'm over 400 calls now, and though I have a pretty good memory, it's getting impossible to keep that many prospects straight in my head.

However, he seemed so genuinely happy to hear from me, I was suspicious.

"Let me just check my notes," I said. Sure enough, I had no record in my spreadsheet of calling this guy, or any prospect with a similar name.

The creative director was still SO SURE, but then he double-checked his email.

Sure enough, he'd recently been contacted by yet another Sarah Copywriter. Albeit one with a different last name.

Fortunately, even though Other Sarah Copywriter was apparently great, he still asked to see my portfolio.

I went on with the day's calls, but couldn't shake the creepy feeling that Other Sarah Copywriter had gotten to all the good prospects first.

Or that people might in fact be mistaking me for her.

At least it sounds like she's somewhat personable and competent. Maybe it'll even work in my favor one day.

Imagine if she was a talentless wench. Shudder.

BLOOPERS: The Phone Connection from H. E. Double Hockey Sticks

So I called up a graphic designer yesterday, and within five seconds I was convinced I was speaking to someone with a horrific speech impediment.

It went like this:

Me: So, do you have any occasional or ongoing needs for a copywriter to assist with Web sites and other writing projects?

Prospect: UM! UM! Derpy derp da derpity do (continues).

The embarrassing part: I think he could hear me with perfect clarity because he responded by chatting on and on in gibberish. Racing around my living room and leaping onto random furniture in search of better reception did no good whatsoever.

I finally had to interrupt him and say, "I'm sorry, but the connection is terrible and I'm having a hard time hearing you!"

"Derp," he said. "Doody derp da doo."

"I'll send you a link to my Web site," I told him. "You can view my online portfolio and resume there. Again, so sorry about the bad connection!"

I hung up feeling like a total idiot (as if phone connection was my fault) -- and way too embarrassed to call back.

But whaddaya know, same guy emailed back today (in English, not Klingon) with gushing praise for my portfolio. He just lost his copywriter to the corporate world and is looking to find another one. Would I be available to meet next week?

And he also apologized for the terrible connection and said he hoped he didn't sound too silly.

When prospects need you, they really need you. Remember this works in your favor.

BLOOPERS: Called the Same Place Three Times in One Day

I hope other make mistakes like this -- I just called the same chiropractic clinic three times in one round of cold calling.

The second time was because the doctor's name and the clinic were separate listings in our local Chamber of Commerce Directory.

The third time? I don't even have a good excuse. I just read my spreadsheet wrong.

It was the same secretary each time and she caught on before I did both times.

She probably thinks I'm the weirdest, most disorganized person in the world. Hope it added some entertainment to her day!

Anyone else have any good cold call bloopers?